The Secret To Being Happily Single

Firstly I did not expect this post to be so highly anticipated. I have been putting off this post for the longest because I did not want to write a woe is me type of post, and I really try my best not to think about my current relationship status, that’s just how I deal with it. But I thought it would be good to get a few thoughts off my chest and hopefully in the process help other women feel secure in their singleness.

The secret to being happily single....Avoid all conversations about relationships, avoid friends that are in couples and avoid men at all costs.

Okay so that isn’t all true. I do find the conversation about relationships uncomfortable at times because I feel like to be able to contribute to a good conversation you need some sort of experience. In my case that is not really possible, my contribution is purely hypothetical and a bunch of putting myself in someone else’s shoes situations. 

I do not purposely avoid people in relationships or conversations around love and relationships, because that would leave me with 0 friends and as anti social as I can be, having no friends is not the life I want to live. 

I have been single forever, literally and I have moments like every other single woman where loneliness and thoughts of what if comes flooding in. However it never goes further than that, I always thought it would take some special guy for me to change this, but it's all me, I am just not ready. 

I strongly believe my prolonged singleness is due to me not being physically, emotionally, mentally and socially ready to make a commitment to one person at this time. I am not suggesting that I am going to take the route of polygamy but I am saying that I know relationships require more than I have at the moment. I am more than happy to admit that, I am on a journey, the journey of self discovery, figuring out who I am and what I like. This takes time and effort, the time and effort I don’t really want to use to experience a relationship.

There is no real secret to being happily single, however there are things I focus on that allows me to feel comfortable with being single. I was never the kind of person who needed people around me, I am more than happy to spend time alone so being single has not been this depressing experience for me, it has given me the opportunity to understand myself and deal with my issues head on.

Be Realistic

I always thought my singleness was due to me not being attractive and uninteresting. Now that I am older and some what self aware, I understand that although that contributes to why I am single, I also know that I have to be realistic, I have to ask myself those uncomfortable question and answer them with complete honesty.

Are you even ready for all that a relationship requires?

Are you confident enough to speak up when something bothers you?

Are you going to carry your past experiences into a relationship?

At the moment my honest answers would be no. Knowing this is pretty worrying but I am glad I know this and can make the steps towards changing those "no's" to a "yes". When I ask myself these uncomfortable questions I know exactly why I am single and I have no desire to rush into something I am fully aware that I am unprepared for. It would be selfish and way too risky for me to even go down that road.

What Am I Bringing To The Table?

"Usually from my experience with shy girls, they don't have much going on." - Lydia Dinga Video

My ego was heavily bruised, I am still dealing with the slight pigmentation from this blow to my ego. As much as this statement triggered the hell out of me, after a little talk with myself I realised that from my experience this is an accurate statement. I can only speak about myself, for me I know I do not have much going on in my life, which would obviously mean that there is not much to talk about. 

Being single for this long has made me look at what I expect a man to come with and bring to the relationship but I rarely asked myself what I was bringing to the table. I realised that when I have a lot going on and I am doing more than just going to work and sleeping I realised that I have a lot more to talk about. I realised that I am still figuring out what I like, what my passions are etc.

Happily Single?

It is easy for me to be happy about being single because I don't know what I am missing out on, and after spending all these years without any man by my side, it makes it really easy to focus on me. I also feel pretty content with the idea of never being in a relationship. I am mostly grateful for all this me time, there are times when I wonder what it would be like, I think about when it will happen, but I remind myself that there is still work to be done. I have mentioned the word easy a lot within this post, but learning to love yourself is not easy, it is an emotionally exhausting task. Being single is not soley a choice for me, a lot of it is down to just how things have worked out. All of those things just contribute to the lack of distractions and gives me the space to just focus on me.

I truly believe that loving myself first is the best thing I can do for myself right now. That essentially is how I stay happily single.

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