My Problematic Relationship With Photography


I had some thoughts about my relationship with photography and my confidence issues recently and thought I would share them with you as I work towards getting rid of those insecurities.

I am so used to being behind the camera, at school I always had my phone camera out. There was even a time when I took my camera to the club, I was dedicated to getting those good good snaps, don't judge me.

Exhibt A - I legit brought my camera to the club and whipped it out for a quick snap...In a club😂

I was used to both nominating myself to be the designated photographer and just being handed the camera.


Confidence Issues

Being comfortable, let alone happy with my appearance is something I have had to work on. Self love was something I had to learn, and I am still learning now. Group pictures were a lot less stressful and took some of the pressure off looking good. A likkle smile will do, I will let the others bring the picture to life.

I watch all these bloggers slaying their photo shoots and I am just waiting to gain the confidence to get in front of a professional camera and flex on em. I am so used to taking my own pictures I am going to need some serious coaching and direction when it comes to getting them done, but I look forward to the day I get comfortable in front of the camera and can put my insecurities to sleep for a couple of minutes.

Levelling Up On My Photography Skills 

I guess all these years being the designated photographer had paid off as I have been able to use these photography skills to take some pretty descent photographs.



I also had the opportunity to work the Fempire Collective to cover Screen Nation's Digital Is Media Awards. We took over their social media platforms to show everyone the backstage fun and highlights. At first I was nervous I wasn't familiar with everyone attending and I didn't know how to approach people for pictures, but once I got into the swing of things I really enjoyed it.

Managing someone elses social platforms wasn't easy, you get so used to your own followers and what they like to see. I had to treat it like it was my instagram and I was covering an event. Once I warmed up I got comfortable walking up to people and getting them to pose for the camera, I was super pleased with my boomerang of Kelechi Okafor & Ogaga Award Winning Podcaster one half of 20SomethingPodcast bringing the heat to Screen Nation's socials.


Be Humble 

Writing always reveals the messed up ideas I had in my head, things I was conscious of but had the ability to ignore. Like I got used to smiling in all my pictures because I thought posing was was buff tings.

When someone is looking fine you say they are buff (it's a London thing) - Urban Dictionary

Looking at my camera roll now and that mentality still exists, after several poses I have to throw in a few smiles to "humble" myself. This makes it harder for me to just clap for myself without making it all about staying fake humble.
It is almost like it is a way of protecting myself from negative comments, comments I have yet to have but I am convinced that I cannot let my guard down and show the Internet that I can take a photogenic picture without a big smile in it.


I literally have to tell myself...

"It is okay to look good, it is okay to know you look good, you know you look good stop playing it down because you equate self confidence with being "vain", chill fam!"


I am planning to get some photos taken soon so if you could give me any tips for posing in front of a camera with confidence please send them my way thank you. 

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Email me: Saabirahlawrencexo@gmail.com

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