Rambling On About Feminism

The whole "black women aren't submissive" debate came up on twitter the other day, after the stupid post below appeared on my timeline. These are the types of posts that make my blood boil, they make me feel like men will never change, it makes me feel slightly defeated. Even though I know this isn't all men (obviously) but it's enough, there's more than a handful of men who feel like women must be the student in a relationship. Now I'm not against learning from your partner in a relationship, however I'm not here for the idea that the man in the relationship must "coach" me.

The dude said "Black women believe it's 50/50 and you have to be uneducated to ever think such a thing". It's funny because men feel as if it's perfectly logical for women to be submissive in a relationship. Like I said in my tweet, it is an opinion that has been forced onto men for years and years, the way people think about a woman and her role as a wife/partner isn't something we have just now come up with ourselves.

The reason men and some women feel it's perfectly normal for these oppressive gender roles to exists is because it has been taught to us, if we were taught that we are all equal, we would not be having this discussion today. There are other factors that encourage these views as well like religion, society and culture. Which is why I don't particularly fuck with religion (but that's a topic for another blog post) - this post Spiritual, Not Religious.

What does feminism mean to me?

The past year or two I've become more socially aware, so feminism is something I have started to think about and discuss a lot more. I'm still not sure if I would call myself a feminist, however I definitely have some feminist views and equality between sexes is something that I feel strongly about.

If a guy was to ask me if I was a feminist I would say yes, only because I'm crazy and like to make men uncomfortable👍 lol jk, but honestly I would say yes if anyone asked me if I consider myself to be a feminist, because if you was to put a label on my views it would lean towards being a feminist or a "modern woman".

Before I started to understand feminism a little better, I used to think feminism was just about white women no longer wanting to stay at home looking after the house and children. Which did contribute to the movement, but there's a lot more to feminism than not wanting to be a housewife. Feminism is needed to end FGM (Female Genital Mutilation), the pay gap, sexual abuse/harassment, underage marriages, the list goes on. 

When I started to understand feminism a little more I started to realise that everyone is affected by the idea that men are above women. Feminism isn't just about empowering women and gender equality, but it's also about bettering the relationship between men and women. Feminism encourages men to be themselves, their true selves and to abandon patriarchal and misogynist views.

All the blame isn't on men solely, however men tend to knowingly or unknowingly subscribe to the oppression women. I think some people see feminists as a bunch of men hating women. Even though I do get extremely angry at the male species at times, I know it's not all men. It's not about hating men, it's about that system that oppresses women.

May have mentioned this post before but it's a must read for those that want to understand why men also need feminism - Feminists Love Will Save Men Too by Jendella Benson.

Black feminism 

- What's the difference between feminism and black feminism? 

Personally I feel like feminism can only benefit black women to a point, there are certain things that need to be addressed that are specific to the black community. The relationship between black women and black men is similar to the relationship between white men and white women, but the way we have adopted misogyny and sexism into our everyday lives affects us differently. 

I don't expect white women to speak for me, nor do I expect them to fully understand the relationship between black men and women. That doesn't mean that the support from white women isn't needed, it's definitely needed. The term allies doesn't sit well with me, but I understand the need for allies. 

Black feminism looks at the black community and the issues we have that have contributed to the oppression of black women. 

An interesting post that looks at Misogynoir is  - 4 Tired Tropes That Perfectly Explain What Misogynoir Is by Kesiena Boom.

Kesiena looks at how the sassy black woman, the angry black woman, the hyper-sexualised black woman and the strong black woman stereotypes contributes to dismissing the black female struggle. If a black woman is only seen as angry, sassy, strong and sexual, then it makes it harder for people to want to support and care for them, because  those are qualities, attitudes and choices are deemed as negative. 

Anger is a valid emotion, it's how that anger manifested that should be focused on. But anger it's self is an emotion the majority of us experience, we shouldn't be shamed for it. 

To be sassy isn't to be a black woman. I wish gay white men and straight white women would understand that. Referring to yourself as a "sassy black woman" when you are not a black woman needs to stop. Because sassy black women do not get the same pass, white sassy gay men do. 

I really hate seeing black women only being praised for their strength, can we stop acting like black women are made to endure abuse please? thank you! When a black woman is seen as being able to handle everything that is thrown at her, it suggests that she doesn't need any support or help. No matter how strong someone is or may seem, everyone needs help and support from time to time. 

I never really understood the whole hyper-sexualised black woman thing. As a young teen I remember my dad telling me that black women are fetishised, at the time I had no idea what my dad was talking about. I hadn't come across any white boys/men who saw me as a sexual object, until I got older and dating apps and social media became a thing. I've been asked If I want mixed race children and I've heard the whole "I don't know what it is but I just find black women so attractive" rubbish. Which is extremely minor compared to the other comments other black women have experienced. 


I'm convinced the reason why men laugh at the #MenAreTrash movement, feminism and refuse to change is because the feel as if women need them in order to feel validated and also to reproduce. So maybe in their mind they feel like they don't need to better themselves because without them we can't have children and won't get married. Some men know that their are a lot of women who are afraid of being alone and never getting married. Which is pretty scary because it suggests to me that this need to be in control is more important then being a decent human being.

Let me know what you think. Do you consider yourself to be a feminist? Do you believe a woman should be submissive to her husband/partner? Are white women more submissive in comparison to black women?

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Email me: Saabirahlawrencexo@gmail.com

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