Angry Black Woman

I have been struggling with this post. I wanted to post this ages ago, but it just wasn't quite right and I thought it might just be a little too negative. 

Now I just feel like getting this feeling off of my chest.

I'm constantly waking up feeling like the "angry black woman" stereotype is another way to shut black women up and to also shame them for expressing their feelings. There's so much to be thankful for and a lot of the time it's hard to see just how lucky some of us are. That doesn't mean I don't see certain things. I'm not immune to the reality black women face daily.  Sure my melanin is golden and my curls are poppin', but I'm aware that my feelings of anger is ignored. I'm aware that I "should" be careful about the words I choose to express this anger. I might be called bitter or receive a few eye rolling emoji's (thanks apple update).

You would be angry too if you was constantly supporting your men and felt like they constantly mistreated and disrespected you.

You would be angry too if others ignored your struggles, even though they have never experienced it.

You would be angry too if you knew what we knew and had people tell you to "get over it".

You would be angry too if your body was constantly seen as a sex symbol.

You would be angry too if you was taught to be strong, fierce and sassy, to fit the "definition" of a "real black woman".

Why is our anger always an overreaction, why do you always ignore and undermine it?

Let us be angry 
You never offer to help relieve us of this anger or ask us where it comes from

Who's you? Black men? White men? White women? Black women?  

All of the above. I'm sure we have all contributed to this stereotype at some point in our lives.

The aim is to be carefree black women right?

We haven't come across a time machine yet,  so I'm unable to tell you just how long this journey will take in order to unlock the carefree level, but with the help of black men and women, this stereotype will end and anger will no longer be an excuse to ignore, neglect or insult black women.  

As much as I'd like to think that the angry black woman isn't angry because of men, honestly I do believe they play a part in it. I also think black women who shame other black women for being "angry" also play a part in the stereotype. Now I'm not here to put all of the blame on black men, because I know it's not their fault (obviously). There are lots of things that play into this stereotype. I just think there are a few things that are relationship related that contribute to this stereotype.

Negative relationship with men, whether it's family members or partners.  It's not always easy to move on and to see the positive side of things. Not having a good relationship with your father will have a negative effect on relationships with potential partners. I don't believe we should stay in these negative mindsets, however we should take it into consideration before labelling a woman as bitter and angry.  Calling a woman names doesn't remove her "bitterness" or anger, It probably just makes it seem like their point has been proved. 

The pressure to carry and be the one to maintain the relationship must be frustrating. I can only imagine what it would be like to feel like the relationship wasn't working out, but as a woman you feel the need to make it work and be the one to make sure the relationship is a success. Then for the relationship to end you're left feeling as if you have failed, like you aren't a good enough woman because you couldn't get your man to stay.  A relationship is give and take, one person isn't supposed to do more than the other, unless that is the arrangement you are generally happy with. The pressure to be the right kind of woman is not solely the fault of men, however they just play a part in encouraging this mentality.

I think the lack of communication and the lack willingness to seek professional help doesn't benefit women. When our relationships with our fathers,  brothers, uncles,  sons and grandfather's aren't great, counselling, therapy, meditation, exercise etc. aren't the first things that's are suggested to us. we just end up finding someone new, but we still have all of those old feelings that we haven't even dealt with.

There aren't any spaces for women to express this frustration and anger without it being brushed off. The idea that we are supposed to be strong and can handle anything life throws at us leaves us feeling stuck, frustrated and sometimes angry, but our anger has layers. There's so many different things that fuel this anger, but we are constantly told to get over it and move on, and we end up with all of this trapped suppressed anger.

What do you think happens with all of this built up anger?

It doesn't evaporate, it grows and plays an effects our minds and how we view men and the world. This idea that we are angry at the world is something to be considered. Damn right we are angry at the world, we are constantly growing and moving forward as women and there are so many obstacles in place to prevent us from putting our growth into action.  We speak about rape culture, misogyny or gender roles and we receive a bunch of "not all men", "everyone needs to lighten up" and "it's not that deep". Then we create our own spaces and platforms and not enough women support it. All of these things are discouraging and sometime it can leave us feeling overwhelmed and sometimes hopeless. 

Let us be angry
It's temporary
Just don't neglect us
And don't ignore us

I'm not sure how this is going to be received. This isn't a I hate black men post, this is just me expressing myself and sharing my thoughts on the whole angry black women stereotype. Not the most positive of posts for a Monday, but I just wanted to get this off of my chest. 

I might have to do another self  love/feel good playlist, becuase I have come across so many songs that have chilled me out when my mind goes off on one. I'm currently feeling super chilled out because I'm listening to Self Healing Sounds (Efficiency in The Flow) by Rose Arrows - Skip to 11:24 to hear Rose Arrows speak about celibacy, energy, productivity, astrology and self Healing

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