I Love Black Men...But
Rachael aka Ukafrolista basically summed up how I've been feeling lately in her caption. My look on relationships and men has changed so much since I've grown, matured and observed more. I love the idea of black love, I love the idea of being with and in love with a black man. As much as I love black men, I have questions and I have doubts. I don't want to have those doubts and questions when it comes to my thoughts on black men.
I'm pretty sure many black women have felt this way. Feeling unappreciated, unloved, disrespected, confused, frustrated, unattractive and angry towards black men.
I mentioned in my Fat, Black & Single post that I want to be in a relationship/marriage with a black man. I've always seen myself being with a black man, I've had some doubts which lead me to think about dating outside of my race, but I always come back to being a relationship with a black man.
I can say "not all black men are the same" and "there's still black men out there who love black women" but I don't know If i truly believe it. I already know what kind of black men i attract, I attract the "your not like other black girls" guys and "you'd make a good wife one day" guys. I'm not even slightly pleased with comments like that, it's not a compliment, I take it as a personal insult.
Growing up i had it in my mind that I wasn't going to be a sterotypical black girl, So if a guy would of hit me with the "your not like other black girls" compliment when I was younger then I would of lapped it up.
But not today!
1. Not all black women are the same.
2. Why would you want to encourage women to value themselves over other women simply becuase you are attracted to their quiet mouth?
I see the disrespect towards black women and it really angers me. There are loads of "reasons" why we (black women) should forget about black men and find the respect we deserve from other races but we choose to stand by these men constantly.
I can only speak from my point of view of a black women, however I can see why some black men would feel some type of way about black women.
We're all developing, i feel like sometimes men aren't accepting of the change that women go through today. Is it difficult for men to accept that women are also extremely successful, strong, powerful, influential and dominant?
Women are developing and opening up their minds surely it's only right if men do the same. Don't get me wrong, it's happening, men are growing.
I want to be with a black man but I can't seem to attract nor find a guy who's open minded enough. Maybe I'm just not looking hard enough or I'm not putting myself in places where carefree black guys are.
I feel like black guys are either in gangs or successful black men surrounded by successful white women. I just want a normal black guy, who can think for himself.
I honestly do think misogyny and hyper masculinity plays a massive part in why the relationship between black men and women is the way it currently is. Women are becoming more aware of social issues, which makes women look for different traits and qualities in men. Our awareness means we aren't interested in certain men any more which kind of leaves men behind if they aren't "getting with the times".
We are beginning to love ourselves more and we're wanting to focus on ourselves more which again leaves certain men behind. Especially then men who still feel that women are nothing without a man or that women can't be without a man.
Call me old fashioned but I miss when black men would cherish black women, would call them sisters and Nubian Queens and not bitches and hoes.
Personally I feel like black women continue to cherish and love black men, if only those same black men returned the favour. Do you not know how beautiful black love is? Don't you want to be part of it?
I just want the relationships between black women and men to get better. Stop shaming people for their own life, stop indirectly tweeting about black women who cannot cook, stop shaming women for their own life choices.
I only want black men to be more open to change. Everything is changing its not easy for us all to aadaptable to this change but if you're trying then I can't fault you.