"I'm Used To Struggling"
For some reason this year I've been seriously thinking about opening up my own business, in what? I'm not quite sure yet. I've thought about candles, a cafe or a black beauty supply store. I've thought about opening up a restaurant, or a food stall, the list goes on. The one thing I'm sure about is that it has to be benefit or relate to black people.
Ten minutes into the #YoutubeBlack Recap video Joulezy said "I'm so used to being broke and I'm so used to struggling that it's almost where my comfort level is, and it gets slightly out of that it scares the shit out of me".
I caught myself nodding my head in agreement to this statement. I've never actually thought about the fear of success but more the fear of failure. The fear of not being successful, not having the money to produce the quality i want and not having the audience needed to increase my success. Those were the fears i thought of but Joulezy highlighted the fears that I wasn't even very conscious of. The fact that all i really know is struggle and getting by, and the comfort you find in the struggle.
I can think about being successful all day, but it just doesn't feel realistic, it's doesn't feel believable. Why?
Jouelzy pretty much answers this for me in her Fear of Success video.
"We do find comfort in the not so good qualities of life"
If all you see and know is struggle then it is way to easy to believe that is all you're destined for. This isn't just about making money, this is also about relationships. Also your success shouldn't be compared to others it's destructive and doesn't actually help, unless you use it as fuel to better yourself and whatever you're working on.
"I'm used to struggling, I'm used to being broke"
"It was a constant that I was used to not having"
Not having the latest thing wasn't something that really bothered me too much, I actually shamed others (in my head obviously I wasn't brave enough to say anything to someone face) and made it seem like I'm just a humble person for not having everything I want. when really I'm just that little bit bitter, but I understood that it wasn't a need nor was it affordable. I grew up knowing that if we cant afford it then I can't have it and that's okay. I wasn't mad at my parents for not being rich, I was grateful for what I had and took care of what I had to show my appreciated for what I could have. It's easy to get caught up in what you want but can't have though. Some Nike trainers would be nice but £90 fam? £90 on shoes? How can I justify that when I've only been on a plane three times?
"Do I deserve this? Is it going to fall out of me, from underneath me one day? Is this my right to have it?"
Can you imagine feeling like you aren't even entitled to success? Jouelzy didn't mention it being related to race, but i think it does play a part in the fear of success. As a black woman I feel like our success and levels of success is completely different to that of a white woman's. Our achievements are always compared to a white women's achievements, it's the standard for everything. If you've worked hard for something and you've not harmed anyone in the process of succeeding then your success is definitely your right to have.
"I have been allowing my fear of success to putting me into a counter productive space"
Jouelzy spoke about her fear of success stopping her from achieving her goals. I feel like that's normal though, like getting to a point where the end goal is so far away that you just put off doing things.
I'm so glad I found Jouelzy's videos, they're so inspiring and entertaining. Big up Joulezy!