Fat, Black & Single



Fat

Sometimes I feel like I have to loose weight in order to be liked by guys, then there's other times where I'm just glad guys don't bother me.

I want a man who wants me for me. If i decide to loose weight, I don't want to start gaining attention simply because I'm now "more desirable".

I think about what's stopping me from loosing weight and I've started to noticed it's all down to being comfortable.

What am I going on do when I start getting attention? what am I going to do when guys become interested?(Other than roll my eyes).

I'm comfortable knowing that I can walk down the street looking dry af and nobody will bother me. I like knowing that I can go out without someone tooting their horn at me.

Black

I don't think being black is the reason why I'm single but I think being Pro-Black and kinda woke makes it easier to be single in the UK. Black guys in the UK don't seem conscious to me. Correct me if I'm wrong, please point me in the direction of the woke British guys (PLEASEđź‘€).

I don't really know what to say to customers at work, so imagine me with a black guy who isn't even woke, I couldn't do it. What would we talk about? Who will I rant to when I see something racist on instagram?. 

The guy I want HAS to be black! #BlackLoveAllDayEveryday. People may think that I'm limiting myself and that "love has no colour", but growing up interracial relationships wasn't something that was ever on my mind. I won't go too deep with that, I'll just end this by saying God please bring me a dark skin brother with dreadlocks, thankyou in advance.  

Single

I have issues and I'm not really sure where they come from. I think it's because I've seen enough dysfunctional and broken relationships that I just refuse to be part of it.

I don't want to be like these couples nowadays, nobody talks about the important things, there's too many people settling and too many insecure people in relationships. It's all too scary for me right now.

I have so much work to do in terms of my confidence, financial situation and just sorting my bloody life out, I honestly don't need the added stress of a man.

I don't want to settle and I don't want to kiss any frogs, I want the prince, the castle, the crown and jewels, I want it all one time. 

Being single rarely bothers me. It just makes me uncomfortable when people make it seem like there's an issue with being single and never being in a relationship. 

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for in a man, I feel like I'll just know when he enters my life.

I truly believe that I'm single because I'm meant to be.  I'm not ready for a relationship, I'm not ready to love anybody yet, I barely love myself some days. Until that changes, my King has to wait.

I need to be able to be more honest with myself and others. I've ended friendships simply because I can't tell friends how I feel about them. I find it easier having no friends, that way I don't have to worry about their feelings towards me and I don't have to worry about feeling left out.

I don't know how a relationship could work if I'm too afraid to say what's on my mind. The thought of it makes me feel extremely vulnerable  and powerless, that's not the kind of vulnerability i want in any future relationships. 

Honesty and confidence are the two things I need to work on most in order to feel ready to be in a relationship. 

Let me know in the comments, what do you think makes a good relationship? 

Read part two of this post here

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Email me: Saabirahlawrencexo@gmail.com

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